Paddy East's Services for Would-be Sailors

...Paddy he takes a length of rope, and he lays it on the ground,
We all steps over, and back again, and he says to me "That's fine,
And if ever they ask were you ever at sea you can say you crossed the line."

There's just one thing for you to do before you sail away,
Just step around the table, where the bullock's horn do lay
And if ever they ask "Were you ever at sea?" you can say "Ten times 'round the Horn"
And BeJesus but you're an old sailor man from the day that you were born.

You may know how a fellow named "Paddy West" would provide instant credentials that sailors could use to get good positions aboard ships.  Well that's fine for convincing the officers, but WHO provides the credentials that your fellows in the forecastle will accept?...

"Paddy-East Associates" is now offering exactly this service, so that would-be sailors can gain their "sea-cred" literally overnight!

Candidates are welcomed in with rum & gin (I'm a little short of pork & scouse) and awake the next morning with an aching head (tattoo optional) and without their money, watch, boots, etc.  Inappropriate articles of clothing or objects that can be modified for use as temporary clothing will be at hand, as well as a certificate of authenticity stating when and approximately where you were worked over.  Finally an official Paddy-East "tip sheet" will be provided, offering helpful hints on how to tell the story and choose good rhyme schemes.

This service is now open by appointment only.  Interested applicants should contact Paddy-East Associates with their request and an estimation of how much money they will be carrying on the night in question.  Personal articles of clothing and equipment lost during these nights will be redeemable from "Kelly's Pawn Shop".

The providers of this service determine the price of redemption, further they cannot be held responsible for any damage that may have resulted to them while out of their owner's possession.    Paddy-East Associates does not discriminate based on race, sex, religion, creed, or sexual orientation; at least it hasn't so far.

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